I enjoy right wing blogs at times. My favorites are Chatterbox Chronicles and Revka’s Take. They are always gracious host and I make it a point to not to personally insult them or trash their views but keep it real in a civil manner. But some righties are down right rude and will ban those of us on the left just as fast as they trackback to our blog and note our Progressive ways.
But I need to express to you righties that this is the wrong approach when it comes to me. I am probably the best thing that will ever happen to your blog. And today I present to you a list of reasons why you should proclaim me your king and feel honored with the title of loyal subject.
1. Mini-Me’s are only cool in the movies: Righties, do you not get tired of reading the post that mimic and celebrate everything you just wrote? Are you that narcissistic to want 30 comments telling you of your wise ways? When you write I love Bush, doesn’t it bore you to read: Me too. Me too. Me too. Ditto. Me Too. I’m with you on that. Me too. Me too. Just writing it bores the hell out of me. So it is with great pleasure that I add color commentary to your bland and insignificant post. Face it, what would you rather read? Verbal puke like “Me to” or wallow in evidence of a rhetorical genius that birth the sentence:“Cheney is an evil, blood sucking terrorist and Bush is a spawn of the devil and should be castrated and tossed into the Black Sea.”
2. There are more of us that you think: Somehow, you righties have it in your mind that you are the majority of the population. You’ve gotten that idea from the deadbeats that run the media. The reinforce your thinking by showing this map of the 2004 election:
But let me help you out a little. The following map shows a breakdown of the vote county by county of the 2004 election:
Ahhhhh… you see. There are more of us than you think. So just get use to it and enjoy our presence. It’ll go a long way in helping you lower your blood pressure. Besides, since you have to deal with lefties, you might as pick one with talent, intelligence and a sense of humor that far exceeds your own.
3. I’m happy and funny and you listen to Rush: Face it, a lot of you righties are some very angry and listen to bitter bastards like Rush and Sean Hannity (Am I the only one concerned about his eyebrows?). I, on the other hand, am very happy and living large and you would be wise of you to bask in my glory for the few seconds I allow myself to venture into your dark and tortured world. You, rightie bitter bastard - alien ditto-head and the rest of your minion, are in need of lefties like me to show you that there is more to the world than loving Bush and cringing at the first glance of sunlight. C’mon, no right-winger could have brought you the Cuss Out Kit or the Whoop Dat Trick Exercise Video. And you can’t tell me that coining the phrase “Murderous Republicana Reich” was not brilliant. Again, there are some unhappy leftie moonbats in the world but why not embrace one that is not on meths and spends his weekends protesting WTO meetings. After all, haven't you spent enough time listing to a square head, squinty eyed, dustmop eyebrow having, narcissistc, right wing wack job?
4. It’s not cool to be surrounded by sociopaths: You have to admit that most of your commentors are pretty sick individuals. After all, they voted for a nut like George Bush - twice. That should be very disturbing to you. But my presence on your blog brings a sense of enlightenment to your world. Consider yourself King Henry VIII (it should be a natural progression for you to consider yourself a murderous tyrant – you voted for one for heaven’s sake HAHAHAHA... "where does he get it from!!!?") and I’m John Locke. So while you chop off the heads of every leftie that ventures before you because you obviously have some male size issues going on. I come along, holding the family jewels with reckless abandonment, spewing my leftist philosophy with pinpoint accuracy and leave you to collect the residuals of verbal drippings. What joy that must be for you.
So there you have, righties. Four excellent reasons for you not only accept my presence on your blog, but praise it. Honor me with every thread of your miserable existence and I will bring forth a joy so bountiful you will forget the fact that your fellowship with Pat Robertson has fortified your place in hell for all eternity.
Besides even with the Murderous Republicana Reich controlling every level of government and this punk and this punk posing as musical talents, spewing radioactive vomit over the airways, I’m still happier than most of you bitter bastards. And that alone is a good enough reason to exalt my presence on your blog.