They sit around all day, we have to feed them, clean up after them and pay for their medical expenses. When their home, all they do is sleep and beg for attention. Now they’ve gotten to the point where they sleep all day and go out all night. They hang out in the streets, coming home only to eat and take a dump. These two freeloading bastards are taking advantage of me… you’d think they’d show some gratitude and at least catch a mouse or something. Sure, we don’t have mice – but dammit, go and hunt one down.
I can’t stand these selfish ass cats. The girl had to spend the night on the roof because she couldn’t figure out how to get down. You’d think she would climb down the same tree she used to get on the roof, but nooooooooooo. I have to climb my happy ass on the banister of the back porch and coax her dumb ass down. Then the boy goes out and gets himself hurt and it ended up costing us over $300. He’s running the streets acting a fool and we have to pay for it.
And what gratitude do I get for putting up with them? I get to clean up fur, vomit and have to put up with the boy cat having some type of alpha male ego crap with Jaimie. Someone forgot to tell this fool that I’m from Chicago. I will beat his ass.
For the past year I’ve tried to convince Jaimie that her cats are trying to kill me. She thinks I’m crazy but I have strange cuts on my back and they didn’t get there from having hot butt-nekkid sex (I’d be cool with that). No, the cats are trying to drain the blood from my body. But until today, I had no proof. Well, Jaimie, this morning I snuck around the house and snapped a picture of your precious little bastards plotting my demise.
Behold… The Proof!!!!
I am calling the Po-Po!