Breaking News: Bush Appoints Liberal Blogger. World Shocked!!!
Washington (Reuters) - Continuing with the administrative shakeup, President Bush announced a replacement for outgoing Press Secretary, Scott McClellan. The new replacement is sure to generate speculation as to the White House communication strategy for the remainder of the Bush term.
President Bush announced today that James Manning, a blogger from Los Angeles and well known Bush basher will take the helm as Press Secretary. This surprise move has many Washington insiders shaking their heads in bewilderment.
Dan Mitchell of the Heritage Foundation found the appointment not only surprising but disappointing. “I’m not sure why Bush would hire someone that is infamous for writing crude skits and is on record stating that he believed that Bush was a spawn of the Devil.”
Dr. Dobson of Focus on the Family issued a statement saying, “that in no uncertain terms could we support this heathen.”
Anticipating the controversy, the Bush Administration released this statement.
America faces difficult times at home and abroad. The War on Terror continues and the need for sound domestic policy is paramount to the continued growth America has come to enjoy. It is important that we communicate our agenda for America effectively. James Manning is the right man to bridge the partisan divide and speak to not just Conservatives or Liberals, but to all Americans.
Transcript from Meeting with the Press:
Bush: Members of the press, it is my pleasure to introduce you to my new Press Secretary, Mr. James Manning
(James Manning stepping to the podium_
James: First, I would to thank the President for this opportunity to serve my country once again. As many of you know, I once shagged women around the world while serving in the Navy. And now I have the opportunity to verbally shag the American people. I will now take questions.
Question: What type of relationship will you forge with the press? Scott lost some credibility after the leak story. What kind of credibility will you have?
James: Well, being from Chicago, I’ve just come hear to speak my peace. So, I can say that I really don’t give a damn what y’all think about me. Whether it’s this year or next year, you’ll never be able to say this brother lied to you… jack.
Question: James, you’ve been quoted as saying that you believe President Bush is the spawn of the devil. How can you now come out and speak for him?
James: With my mouth, bitch. Next question.
Question: Is this the type of attitude we can expect from you?
James: Damn skippy.
Question: The situation with Iran is precarious, what steps is the Administration looking at the curve Iran’s nuclear program?
James: The President has stated that it is America’s position that Iran not be allowed to develop nuclear technology. But the truth is the president of Iran is talking entirely to much shit for my blood. He has to know that we’re about 10 minutes from sending the Delta Force and my play cousin Pookie over to his house and torturing his punk ass. It’s that or nuclear fallout.
Question: Are you saying that it is the policy of this administration to support torture and using preemptive nuclear strikes?
James: Look, we’re just doing what we have to do to protect the American people and get oil executives paid. So if that means we have to cut a bitch and turn them into a nuclear glow pop… then that’s just what ah nigga has to do.
Question: What’s with the language?
James: You know what George (Will), what’s with yo crooked mouth? Don’t come at me like that, dude.
George Will: You seem rather hostile. I don’t see how your black ass got this job.
James: Hold up partna. I will mess you up, talking like that to me.
George Will: Well, bring yo ass down here and see if you don’t get fucked up.
James: (taking off coat and tie) Man, you must be out of your damn mind. Somebody forgot to tell you something. I’m like T.I. – You don’t know me. (singing) You might've seen me in the streets, but nigga you dont know me - When you holla when you speak, remember you dont know me
George Will: I know ain’t nothing between us but air (inhaling) and I just sucked all of that up.
James: (swinging) Bitch, I’ll kill ya. (press trying to break up fight) I told you I don’t play this. (ducking a George Will jab). Miss me punk. Take that. (hits George Will in left rib.) You better step off me you dirty mother…
The White House is currently preparing a statement about today’s press briefing. More details to follow.
11:21 AM To Jay manning,
Congrats on you knew JOB man keep uis posted on how you like it. I know you will be able to set them straight too.
By Chance
2:55 PM Nigga you got me laughing out loud at work with all these conservative uppity white people looking at me. Which is even more funny because I'm laughing at a spoof on the president they (RE)elected.
Hope all is good bruh
3:30 PM Great stuff James! Thanks for the laughs.
3:54 PM Haha - I'm glad y'all enjoyed it.
7:08 PM LOL--this is awesome!!!!!! Right up there with your Cuss Out kits. You need to do more of this stuff. I loooooove it!!!!
8:21 PM James, if only you were there to tell the actual truth...
8:26 AM hilarious, dude....simply hilarious
11:50 AM To Jay,
How much per hour does the job pay BRUH! What ever it pays I am sure it will be fat.
5:51 AM If only it was true...
10:03 AM Yeah, this one definitely had me laughing.....congrats on the new job.
7:28 PM Another James Manning masterpiece- just dayum, I laughed so hard James. Your blog is killing me, one day you piss me the hell off and the next you have me cracking the hell up.
Later'
7:45 PM Aww man why you gotta be starting static with my boy George Will?
Be careful, Will'll get ethnic on ya with that baseball bat in his trunk.
11:47 PM Ok, that was funny.
But seriously man whats with the Bears? they gonna do anything this year or is my team going to give them another beat down?
Panther fan for life...
Great blog though.
4:06 AM Cool guestbook, interesting information... Keep it UP
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