Making The Band

Welcome to the first installment of Jimmy's Making The Band. I assembled a team of talent scouts, A&R's, bootleggers and hasbeens and conducted a nationwide search to create the baddest band every heard in human history.

After six months of sleepless nights, 4 tons of rib tips, 400 cases of Pepsi, 42 gallons of barbecue sauce and the smashing of every Clay Aikens CD we could get our hands on, we came up with a roster.

There were several disagreements as some thought Boys II Men should have been hired. They were great when they auditioned but something about the jeans, shirt and tie with matching baseball caps rang of... well, um... punks. John Legend tried out for keyboards but he lost it when he popped his hips after playing. We all agreed that have Patti Labelle and a metrosexual would cause too much confusion.

Aretha Franklin and Patti Labelle couldn't get along plus Aretha ate all of the collard greens - that killed her chances. Finally, Brian McKnight made an excellent showing but he smiled too damn much so we had to cut him.

Anyway, we are pleased to present to you the greatest band ever assembled. Ladies & Gentlemen without further ado, I present to you...

DA BAND!!!!


Horns: Every great band needs a brass section and I would pull the horn players from Earth Wind & Fire. They killed it in the 70’s and I’m not sure if I’ve every heard a group play any better.

Bass: Mark Adams of Slave. For those that don’t know him, just pull out the single, “Slide” and “Watching You” then check out Aurra’s “Are You Single” and you will understand why he made the band.

Guitarist: This is hard because there are two that I’d like to have: Ernie Isley and Curtis Mayfield. They have distinct sounds and since it is my band, they both make it.

Lead Guitarist: Jimi Hendrix, hands down.

Keyboard: I’d hand the duty over to Alicia Keys. There are better piano players out there, but she brings youthful energy to the band – and every great band needs a hottie.

Drums: I’ll add some additional female flavor to the band by handing the sticks to Shelia E. Her skills are undeniable and again, nothing like a hottie on board to liven up the show.

Backup singers: I need some folks that can really do the damn thang. So, I’m picking Stephanie Mills, Luther Vandross & Patti Labelle for backup duties and the occasional lead singers.

Lead Singer: This is a soul, funk and classic R&B band so I need someone that can pull off all genres without missing a beat. So Marvin Gaye gets the job. This allows me to go funk, social and kill a slow jam. I can always pull one of my backup singers to change the mood.

Well, there’s the band but a band is only as good as the songs they put out so I have to put together a production team.

Songwriters: Prince & Stevie Wonder.
Producers: Ashford & Simpson

 

8 Responses to Making The Band

  1. taylor Says:
    Let me know when you cut the first album. I'll support that! Be careful two hotties in one band = trouble in off stage land.
  2. Malik Says:
    Earth Wind & Fire over Kool & the Gang? Pish posh.
  3. Mahndisa S. Rigmaiden Says:
    12 16 05

    Hey James: Fun post! Thx for wishing me well and I am on bedrest but doing better. Your email was appreciated:)
  4. Jaimie Says:
    Yeah, Prince would have to be a writer. He's so good. I miss him, really.
  5. taylor Says:
    @Jaimie
    Miss him? Girl he is pulling the Madonna. Still kicking out records, he just dropped Musicology last year. Or are you not feeling his new stuff?
  6. Rose Says:
    This is a fun post...Prince music is still hot...Merry Christmas
  7. Diane S. Says:
    Too cool. Love the mass destruction of the Clay Aikens CD's.

    Sorry about Aretha and the collard greens. I mean, Aretha is Aretha. It doesn't get much better than that.

    Curtis Mayfield is the Cat's Damn Pajamas. Well, maybe given your present issues with cats that was a poor choice of words. I'll rephrase: Curtis Mayfield is the man.

    I'm not a huge Hendrix fan, but I know better than to argue with one. My hands are off of this choice.

    Alecia Keys is a Goddess.

    Luther & Patti seem wasted as back-up singers. Can't they just jam with Da Band now and again, doing some cameo stuff. For backgrounds, I suggest the Rayettes.

    Marvin Gaye. No further words needed.

    Prince and Stevie Wonder. Now man, that's da shit. Two of the best in the business. Ever. And I was driving down the road last week listening to "U Got the Look" and thinking that Prince was one of the most underappreciated innovators in American Music history.

    And Stevie, well Stevie had me at hello.

    One request: Dion Warwick should never be allowed in the vacinity of da band.
  8. tif Says:
    You gotta go with Curtis Mayfield on guitar because he can double as a vocalist and is one of the best song writers ever-- c'mon he wrote "Giving him something he could feel" - that man wrote one of the sexiest woman love songs there is as well as hundreds of favorites. Teddy P. didn't even get a tryout?