Killing the Cats: Would I Be Wrong?

I have a problem with my girlfriend's cats. They wake up every morning at 4:00 AM and romp through the house like they are crazy. I can hear them jumping on the furniture, running through the hall, clawing at the door knobs (I have yet to figure out why) and all the while my girlfriend sleeps like a little angel. They never fail to dive on the bed and attempt to sit on my chest. (They may be out to kill me). If I move my foot it is attacked. Eventually I grow tired of this and I do a Fred Flinstone and put them out on the balcony.

The other morning I helped my girlfriend to the car with some bags of cloths. I walked back into the house and Belle (she was named after one of those Disney princesses), the girl cat, whom we rescued off of the street, is relaxing by the bedroom door. She reaches out and scratches the hell out of me as I pass her. I seriously contemplated punching her but I kept my cool. She has a right to be mad at me considering that because of me she fell from our third floor balcony.

Let me explain. I have a water bottle and I spray the cats whenever they get into something I’m not cool with. On one particular day, Belle decides to climb on the screen door. I’m not cool with this because cat claws could ruin screen and then I’d have to replace it. So, to get her off of the screen I splash her with water. It must have freaked her out pretty bad because rather than jumping down she tries to jump onto the balcony ledge. Well, she missed and fell three floors down into the building’s yard. It is a good thing there is soft dirt down there or she would have broken some bones. So I can understand if she were a bit… upset. But that was several months ago and since then she’s gotten shots, fed and had her litter box cleaned numerous times.

It’s not that I don’t like the little critters. They provide moments of entertainment but the scratching of the furniture, scratching my legs, ripping rolls of toilet paper off of the roll and walking on my chest in the middle of the night (wasn’t that a scene in a movie) gets to me at times. Why can’t cats be more like dogs? At least then I’d train them not to do things that drive me crazy. But then I’d have to walk them at ungodly hours. Maybe rather than kill them, I should get a bigger spray bottle.


12 Responses to Killing the Cats: Would I Be Wrong?

  1. Cynthia Says:
    You would be wrong. I'm glad my other half don't like having pets in the house. I don't know how I would be able to stand animals in the house.
  2. Jaimie Says:
    Even though these are my cats, this blog was so funny. Yes, the cats are crazy-but Belle still is still a baby (technically). Think of them as kids-kids lack self control. Don't kill the cats!!
  3. bold as love Says:
    Oh man....
    I feel for you, Cats are a pain in the ass--especially when they are loved by someone you care about. They seem to know instinctivly that they can get away with scratching, hissing, pouncing upon one unexpectantly---whew.... thank God for Chinese buffets, that's the only revenge.
  4. James Manning Says:

    That is too funny.
  5. MEP Says:
    Hahaha, that was a really funny post. Maybe you should just have them declawed. Eh?
  6. S'dizzle Says:
    I hear ya, sometime gagging and tying seems like a viable solution
  7. Mahndisa S. Rigmaiden Says:
    10 27 05

    LMAO! You know you are wrong for thinking of killing them. MEP is right, maybe cut their nails or declaw them. Except with declawing, won't that affect their ability to defend themselves against ya! ha ha ha
  8. DCS Says:
    Bold, God will get you for that remark!

    James, face it. You'll just have to love the kitties unconditionally. You will not win. Perhaps you've heard this saying: "Dogs have masters; cats have staff." More cream, please.
  9. Anonymous Says:
    Now that is one of the funniest things I have ever heard. It would be bad to kill, but you can still think it... oh yeah and the kitty's flipping out early in the morning is called the "kitty crazies" and they never really break out of the habit
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