This Week on Meet The Press

Announcer: The Bush administration is set to reveal a new strategy for Iraq. Will it work? To discuss this topic and more, former House Majority Whip, Tom Delay. And from the blogasphere, Liberal blogger, James Manning

Tim Russert: Good morning gentlemen. Lets begin with you Tom. The president is expected to endorse a plan that would increase the number of troops in Iraq. Do you support that plan.

Tom Delay: Tim, I support anything the president does. Just last week the president was down in Texas and he invited me to his ranch. He wanted to kick my ass for helping the Dems take over Congress. I obliged the president by bending over and letting him kick the stuffing out of me.

Tim Russert: (Looking warily at Tom) So… you support the president then.

Tom Delay: I do support our president and I’ll do anything he wants. For example… the president wanted some hog mog and his pigs weren’t ripe for it so I cut off my own testicles and the president’s chef sautéed them with mushrooms and onions. They were delicious.

Tim Russert: Let me see if I got this. You ate your own… balls. That sounds… how can I put this?

James Manning: Crazier than a motha… What the hell is wrong with you?

Tim Russert: (Turning to James) So what are Liberal bloggers saying about the President’s impending speech.

James Manning: Tim, first of all thank you for this opportunity. I’m glad you didn’t hold the Polka party incident against me. I think President is short on choices here and a troop surge is about all he has left. I don’t think it will work, but he has no choice. Personally, I think most Liberals want a reduction in troops, not more.

Tim Russert: You have a prediction for the outcome?

James Manning: Yep. It won’t work because Bush won’t send enough troops to do the job. Really, he’s just buying time until he can leave office.

Tom Delay: That is not true. President Bush is committed to winning the war in Iraq. It’s in his heart to win.

Tim Russert: Well, I don’t think anyone truly knows his heart, but…

Tom Delay: I know his heart because I gave it to him.

James Manning: What the hell are you talking about?

Tom Delay: The President’s heart gave out after overdosing on crack so he asked me for mine. I gave him my heart and in return they used a deer heart to put in place of my heart. I support our President and I’ll do anything for him.

James Manning: You are SICK!!! Why don’t you leave the talking to me?

Tim Russert: (To James) Its just like you to want to take over.

James Manning (Throwing hands up) Oh, here it comes. You’re still pissed about the Polka party, huh?

Tim Russert: (Pointing finger) You had no business changing the music. You made me look like a fool.

James Manning: What? All you had to do was follow the instructions. (singing) “Right foot two stomps”, “Left foot two stomps”, “Turn it out”. What the hell is so hard about that?

Tim Russert: You suppose to play music that people have heard.

James Manning: Who the hell hasn’t heard of the Cha Cha Slide?

Tim Russert: A lot people.

James Manning: If an Amish grandmother can do the Cha Cha slide, your beady-eyed behind should be able to do it.

Tim Russert: Well, what about the fact that you played Isaac Hayes during dinnertime.

James Manning: Hey, “Shaft” is a classic.

Tom Delay: Speaking of shaft, I recall when the first lady was out of town and the President was feeling frisky and he called me…

Tim & James: Will you shut the hell up.

James Manning: Why would you book me with this bastard?

Tim Russert: It’s my show, shut the hell up.

James Manning: Man, you’re about five seconds away from…

Tim Russert: From what, trick?

Tom Delay: Speaking of tricks. I recall when our President asked me to turn some tricks to raise campaign funds. I love my president and I’ll support him by doing anything he asked.

James Manning: This nasty bastard. I’m out of here. (stands up and pulls off microphone) I’ll meet you in the parking lot. If you thought me smashing you nose in an accordion was bad.

Tim Russert: Nah Homie. We can do this right now on national TV.

(James looks at Tim then jumps over the table, slamming Tim in the stomach with his left foot. Tim counters with a right cross that connects to James’ jaw. Dazed, James shakes it off and proceeds to place Tim in a headlock and smash his face onto the table. Meanwhile, Tom Delay is curled in a fetal position crying like a bitch.)

Announcer: Tune in next week to “Meet the Press” when James Manning interviews Dick Cheney.

 

7 Responses to This Week on Meet The Press

  1. Bullfrog Says:
    Man, you got me laughing, creative genius as usual!
  2. Anonymous Says:
    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
  3. Little Miss Chatterbox Says:
    Not thrilled about your depiction of Tom Delay but you are hilarious as usual. I love the part about Tim not holding the polka party incident against you.
  4. Dave Miller Says:
    Thanks James.
  5. Cynthia Says:
    This is funny...
  6. Diane S. Says:
    This is some seriously hillarious stuff here James. Bravo!
  7. Anonymous Says:
    James, you got to go on "The Daily Show" or Colbert, hell, do Saturday Night Live! You are hysterical...my first post here...but....I'll...be....back for another great humor fix! Thanks!