Real Men Talk: Child Support
Guy #1: Someone I know has an ex-girl friend that does all kinds of crazy things to him regarding visitations with his daughter. He sends money when he can but generally speaking, she uses his daughter like an axe over his head. I’ve told him several times to go to court, file for visitation and get the child support taken out of his check. He has yet to do it.
Guy #2: Another person I know decides to stop paying child support after he loses his job. Several months pass and he receives a bill for the past due amount. He throws a fit and threatens to take his ex to court for shared custody. It’ll never happen because he’s a nutcase but he throws it out there.
Guy #3: A friend’s ex would quit his job whenever the DA caught up with him about his child support. This man went from a $17 an hour job to a $10 an hour job just so he could pay less child support. It didn’t make sense, but like I said, he eventually quite the $10 an hour job.
It would seem that the least a man could do is pay his dues. Ok, some women may mess the money around, but there is nothing anyone can do about that. If there are concerns about the money, why not go for custody rather than skip on the child support?
Most guys pay somewhere between $300 and $600 a month. Anyone with a child will tell you that it takes a lot more money than that to raise a child. Am I not understanding something?
Really…. What's the issue with men and child support?
4:52 PM It's funny you brought this up as I was just talking this over with someone yesterday. My parents divorced when I was 3 and my mother never asked for a dime from my father, she just asked him to give what he could when he could. They also never bad-mouthed one another, especially in front of us kids. As far as visitaion, no courts, no lawyers, just a verbal agreemant that Pops could have us every other weekend.
The reason my mom did it this way? Her children were her first priority and she didn't want us mixed up in legal a legal tug of war over custody, money, or any other thing.
What is missing from every scenario you mentioned: regard for the kids welfare, both emotional and material.
A real man who loves his kids would do whatever it took to care for them. It saddens me how children have been relegated to property in these broken marriages where the adults are too immature to own up to their responsibility.
5:34 PM Bullfrog, you hit the nail on the head. Lack of regard for the child's welfare. My wife worked child support for the county and the stories she heard made James' scenarios seem like nothing.
Bottom line is that if you don't want to support a kid, your kid, keep it in your pants.
7:49 PM BF,
You are right. Guy #1 and Guy#2 are crazy. Guy #1 is lazy and simply don't want to take the necessary steps to ensure his rights and responsibilities as a father.
I just talked with my sister and her son's father changed custody after the child support was raised. He agreed to take my nephew during the school year and send him back to Chciago (he lives in Florida) during the summer. After the hearing, he jets back to Florida and my nephew is still in Chicago with my sister... the only that has changed is the he no longer pays child support.
9:44 PM These dudes are getting women that they never had any intention of doing anything other than sleeping with pregnant and now they have to deal with it. Clearly they aren't enthused.
There is too much free porn on the Internet to get caught up like that.
11:18 PM Bold,
The question needs to be: Real Women and child support- Child support rates have nothing to do with child rearing- It's punishment that a woman can inflict upon her ex. Of course there are and always will be fathers that won't do a damned thing for the children they produce, and they should be dealt with, but after they have proven that they lack the responsibilty to help take care of thier children.
Later'
1:51 AM These men are getting women pregnant and don't plan to be with them for anything other than girlfriend boyfriend relationship and sex and good times.
It is not worth it the head ache is too painful, and the gentically based pain in the butt from having to deal with the ex-female is tormenting. It would be better to go stand on a frozen pond nude 50 below zero with a fan on than to have to deal with this ex baby mama drama.
But these men made their beds and they have too lay in them (but wait laying in the bed is what got them in these situations in the first place) they should pay child support for the kids sake.
It is a tough situation to be in.
By Chance
7:49 AM Thank you. My parents divorced when I was 2. My mom asked for child support and forwent alimony even though alimony was offered.
My dad paid child support but never once asked or tried to visit even though he had the rights.
Real Dads do both visitation and support.
8:54 AM A box of Trojans cost a lot less than $300-$600/month for 18 years.
11:51 AM Well said and I'm proud of you for doing this post. My SIL also works for the state on getting dead beat dads to pay and its not pretty. I'm not sure I could do it because it would probably lower my faith in people in general.
And I agree with you and everyone here that a real father pays child support and spends time with his kids and a real mother doesn't use her kids as pawns.
2:20 PM LOL, OTB.Yes it is the fault of gay marriage. Curses.
I am sure LMC would agree with you.
9:51 PM Interesting discussion James. The issue of Child Support can bring a lot of heated opinions, but most of your readers seem to be reasonable and responsible.
@Bold as Love - you never stop shocking me man. Punishment? Get a life.
My father, with all of his faults, never failed to financially provide for his family. Even when my parents were separated and divorce was looming on the horizon (they reconciled). During their separation, my father came to see me twice a week, and took me out to week one night a week. We had been through some rough times together and sometimes fumbled for conversation, but I never had to wonder if he cared about me or wanted to spend time with me.
Looking back now, I can see how much my father has sacrificed for my mother, my sister and me. It humbles me. And from where I sit, that's love.
9:53 PM Oh! Woops!
@ Bullfrog - you are a lucky man. Your parents both cared about protecting you more whatever difficulties were between them. It's a pity not all divorcing parents are as focused on the welfare of their children.
7:10 PM YO James we are living in a world of great contridictions. Its about priorities, these guys could do more for thier kids on the visitation level and the money side of things.
Its also the ladies faults for not raising these guys better, with better priorities without teaching them (us) that education, family, ect are not the most important things thier are and god ( not religion ) of course.
This behavior does not involve all or most black men and women with children but this behavior involves enough of us to have a negative impact (sometimes directly) on most of us.
Until black folk are willing to be honest about what is going on in our communities this nonsense you posted on will continue to affect us at much higher rates than everyone elso just about.