These Damn Cats: I Need A Laugh

I just don't get why cats wonder around into places they know nothing about. Yesterday, Dougie, Jaimie's male cat came home limping. Well, it looks as though he may have broken his leg. What the hell does a cat do to break his leg? Obviously he was somewhere he didn't belong. Now I have to come out of the pocket to get him fixed.

Considering that I'm irked right now, I can't do the post I wanted to do. So how about this, why don't we use this opportunity to post some good jokes. If you know some, share them with the rest of us.

UPDATE: The damn cat's leg isn't broken after all. Looks like a puncture wound that got infected. He might have gotten bitten, ran into a fence or some rose bushes got to him. Either way, the little devil will be fine - but he still put a dent into our wallet. It'll be a cold day in hell before I ever let him out of the house again.

OK, back to the jokes. Bullfrog dropped a good one.

My Submission:

A college student said to his mother, “I decided that I want to be a political science major and that I want to clean up the mess in the world!”“That is very nice,” muted his mother. “You can go upstairs and start with your room.”


7 Responses to These Damn Cats: I Need A Laugh

  1. Bullfrog Says:
    A blonde woman gets pulled over for speeding and the officer is, what do you know! A blonde female!
    The officer approaches the vehicle and asks for DL and Registration.
    The offender digs around in her purse for a second and asks, "My drivers license, what would that look like exactly?"
    The officer sighs and says, "It's about so big (hand gesture) and has your picture on it."
    The woman searches some more, locates her compact, and says, "Oh, here it is! This has my picture on it!"
    The officer grabs the compact, examines it briefly, and replies, "Oh, I'm sorry, you are free to go. I didn't realize you were a police officer."
  2. James Manning Says:
    That's a good one.
  3. Bullfrog Says:
    This one had me in tears when I first heard it (this is the last one, I swear).

    One day a lady went into a fishing shop to buy her husband a fishing pole for his birthday.
    She picks the nicest looking pole in the place and handed it to the man and he says, "This pole is our best and it is $70." She told him that she would take it.
    She took out her purse to pay him and in the process dropped her wallet. When she bent over to pick it up, she accidentally broke wind.
    All of a sudden the man says, "It all comes up to $80." Confused the lady says to him, "But you said the fishing pole was only $70!"
    He said, "It is. $70 for the fishing pole and $10 for the duck call."
  4. James Manning Says:
    That's cool. Here's another:

    A guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

    She yells, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"

    Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

    After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

    To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200!?!"
  5. Bullfrog Says:
    Nice! LOL!
  6. James Manning Says:
    I love this one:

    A young boy went up to his father and asked “What’s the difference between potentially and realistically?

    The father ponders for a moment, then answered “Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars and also ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, then come back and tell me what you learned.

    “So the boy went to his mother and asked “Mom would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars?”

    The mother replied “Definitely, I wouldn’t pass an opportunity like that ”

    The boy then went to his older sister and asked “Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?”

    The girl replied “Oh gosh, I would just love to do that, I would be nuts to pass up that opportunity.”

    The boy then thought about it for a few days, and went back to his father.

    His father asked him “Did you find the difference between potentially and realistically?

    “The boy replied “Yes, potentially we’re sitting on 2 million dollars, but realistically we’re living with two whores.

    “The father replied “That’s my boy.”

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