Random Thought... Breakin' Really Sucked

Breakin’ (1984)– I was a shorty when break dancing hit the streets. I recall the days when I rode around with a roll of linoleum looking for a battle. What started this craze for me was the movie Beat Street. It was raw and gritty. It represented the hood in all its gore. Then some bastard put out the movie Breakin’. Not only did the dancing and acting suck to highest of suckstivity, the movie was too damn colorful. It left the impression that every brother in California was borderline tart. Seriously, doesn’t this scream gay to you?

That’s what I thought. If not for Boyz N the Hood, I’d probably still think California cats were on the sweet side.

But the gayness wasn’t the only problem with this movie. The fact of the matter is that the movie had no heart and I couldn’t relate to them. The clothing was whack. I’m not sure where the got their wardrobe. Maybe folks in California dressed like that at the time but we were a bit on the grimy side. It may be the nature of the beast. Because when you’re from a place like this:

or this:

It’s hard to imagine dressing like this:

So what else was wrong with this movie? The hardest part in the movie even came off a little wimpy.

Not to say they couldn’t whoop some ass or dance – but really… this looks like Michael Jackson “Beat It” video. This is nothing more than a Paula Abdul video gone bad. And you have to ask yourself, what B-Boy shows up to a battle in his GrrAnimals? We weren’t trying to go out like that. We were trying to be down with this:

Even when Ozone put down his classic stare scene – it seemed cheesy. Let’s compare.

Ozone’s stare:

Knuck-Knuck’s Stare:

So, maybe you’re saying, “James, it’s just a movie, man. Chill.” I would agree but then comes this scene:

Man, that pretty much sealed it for me. The problem is that I can imagine them hugging. I look at the following cats and the only thing I can imagine them doing is stabbing each other. Take a look:

I didn’t even get into the whack dance routines and battles. Overall, I have to say that Breakin’ is the wimpiest, gayest urban movie ever made. The fact that Ozone and Turbo became household names speaks to the lack of opportunities afforded black folks in the mid 80’s.

So there it is folks. Just a random thought.

I have no questions, but feel free to comment. Tune in tomorrow when the Friday Top Ten returns with my Top Ten: Crushes on White Girls. Holla!


15 Responses to Random Thought... Breakin' Really Sucked

  1. Dave Miller Says:
    Funny stuff James. So who made the movie? I'm guessing it was not someone black, but someone putting together his personal spin of what he thought.

    As someone from So Cal, I never saw folks lookin' like that either. Maybe in Vegas where I also spent some time, but that was not a west coast look. Don't pin that on us too!
  2. James Manning Says:
    That may be true Dave, but y'all gave the world Turbo and Ozone, and for that you must suffer. But, you did give us NWA and Tupac - so that should almost make up for it.
  3. Stevin Says:
    I was a nine year old kid in rural Seattle when the movie came out. I hate to admit it, but I loved it. Imagine a bunch of kids trying to breakdance on a piece of cardboard, when we clearly shouldn't have danced at all. It was pathetic.
  4. Johnnie Says:
    I'm looking forward to tomorrow. Man, I used to LOVE me some Kim Bassinger.

    Yeah, baby!
  5. Mr. Grey Ghost Says:
    Damn, I havent watched "Breakin'" since forever but this post is pretty on point as that flick was up there in gayness and had some pretty wack dancin'.

    More importantly, as far as your list goes on crushes on white girls, I'm really hoping that the chick who played Marcia Brady makes the cut. Because that was my first chick on a WG and I still hold her dear to this day.
  6. James Manning Says:
    You'll have to tune in tomorrow to find out Grey.
  7. Roc Says:
    That is the funniest isht I've read this week! A Kangol and a pair of Adidas Superstars wouldn't have help Ozone one bit...
  8. Diane S. Says:
    Haven't seen the movies, have no real opinion on break dancing or break dancing attire, but had to say that "suckstivity" is a fine word. Truly a thing of beauty and a joy forever.

    Who wishes to destroy American Culture forever... *wink*
  9. Outside the Box Says:
    As much as I love(d?) Breakin', it's difficult to deny your valid points.

    Thankfully those are all remedied in
    Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo!

    Talk about a sequel that exceeds the original! Way beyond what T2 did to Terminator, waaay beyond what The Godfather 2 did to The Godfather, and dare I say it even rivals what American Ninja 2: The Confrontation did to American Ninja. (I could even make the argument that it gives The New Testament over The Old Testament a run for its money, but I'm pressed for time.)

    Just look at the facts:

    Ice-T gets more screen time than in the original. (Okay, I'm not sure if it's actually more time, but Ice-T is out in broad daylight, so that has to count for something.)

    Din Da Da by George Kranz is a bad ass tune. (I ain't even playin' on in this one!)

    The NAME itself! Will "Electic Boogaloo" ever be topped?!? I don't see how.
  10. James Manning Says:
    *ugggghhhh* Robert, I did everything I could to avoid mentioning Electric Boogaloo. A movie who's script was dragged through a pile of hot, steamy human feces then soaked in elephant dung for a year then finally served to the unsuspected public with a side order of cow barf.

    What was with the dancing on the ceiling?

    Diane, please don't see this movie. At this point is is bound to knock several years off of your life.
  11. Anonymous Says:
    James: To me, this is one of the most important debates that can be had. Breakin'
  12. Bullfrog Says:
    James: To me, this is one of the most important debates that can be had. Breakin' and all of it's sequels were, to bring back an old phrase, wick-wick-wack!

    Anyone interested in REAL breakdancing and hip hop culture, go to Amazon and get Beat Street on DVD. It is tha bomb! I couldn't even look my friends in the eyes if I liked Breakin', and could run the risk of gettin' dealt with!

    While you're at it, get Krush Groove, it's a classic too! I think L.L. was 17 in that movie?

    A little piece of trivia about Breakin', Jean-Claude Van Damme was an extra in it. Check out his filmography on IMDB (#360. I remember seeing his face flash by and saying, "Was that? Nahhh...couldn't be!"

    neddo: what James said.
  13. nikki Says:
    when has a paula abdul video ever gone GOOD??? ;)
  14. Anonymous Says:
    Super color scheme, I like it! Good job. Go on.
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