There are certain things that every man should know. So I came up with a few rules that men should live by. I had some fun with this but I think a lot of them hold true in some form or fashion.
Rules for buddies:
- You’re not allowed to buy a birthday present for another man unless it is a lap dance or beer. Even remembering another man’s birthday is optional.
- Never hang out at the beach with a friend that insists on wearing Speedos. It is acceptable to end a friendship with such a man.
- Never trust another man that smiles all of the damn time.
- You should never drink the last of another man’s beer unless you’re willing to make a beer run.
- Always bail your friend out of jail as long as the bail is under $1000.
Rules for Dating
- Try to remember something about the first date: her clothing, a song playing, the restaurant. This may be your saving grace later when you forget her birthday.
- A kiss on the cheek at the end of a date says you’re a gentleman. A pat on the ass says you’re a creep.
- Never bring up ex-girlfriends unless she asks. And even then you should spend no more than five minutes before changing the subject.
- Your best friend sister is off limits unless you intend on asking for her hand in marriage.
- Never compliment the looks of your wife or girlfriend friends.
Fruity Drinks: Allowable only if your girlfriend orders it for you. In the presence of just men, only beer and hard liquor is allowed to touch the table.
Vacations: Never vacation with another man unless involves looking at women, an athletic outing or killing an animal.
Fighting: It is better to get your ass whooped then look like a coward. This is especially true if your wife or kids are present.
Compliments: You are allowed to compliment a man on his apparel. The most you can ever say about a man’s body is: “Man, it looks like you’ve been working out” or “Dude, you’ve been putting away a lot of donuts, huh?”
Vocabulary: There is no plausible reason to ever use the word ‘Cute’ unless you are talking about your daughter or the daughter of a friend.
1. As a man, what are some of the rules that you live by?