The committee to pick the USA basketball team has already decided that they will not invite Allen Iverson to participate. Dumb! Dumb! Dumb! International basketball is a different animal compared to the NBA, but despite that - no one in the world could compete with our best. We didn't put our best foot forward last time but this time a lot of top players have decided to play. That's a good thing. We need to show the world that they are still decades away from competing with the US when it comes to basketball.
Some of you naysayers out there, please, hush your mouth because you know if Garnett and Kobe Bryant were on the last team, we would have brought home the gold.
To help the committee out and to ensure they don't make asses out of themselves. I got together with my alter-egos and we've come up with the team we would like to see. Here's the transcript.
Jimmy: James, I'm glad you invited me here to help you with these picks. And that's regardless of the fact that your cheap ass is not paying for this gig.
James: Glad you could make it. Stop whining like a little trick and let's tell the folks about our picks..
Jimmy: Ok. But we're not done with this pay issue. Anyway, the international community is riding high after our sorry showing at the last games. So, we've come up with a team that will show the world that not only are they still a bunch of girlymen and
Announcer, if you will please.
Announcer: Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the 2008, Peace on That, Dream Team selection. Where the motto is kick ass and who gives ah damn about taking names. And now, the starting lineup of your USA basketball team.
At point guard, hailing from Chicago, Illinois - Dwayne Wade!
At the shooting guard, one of Philadelphia's finest - Kobe Bryant!
Hogging the middle and throwing bows. Your starter center, straight outta the Virgin Island - Tim Duncan!
At small forward, from the back woods of Mauldin, South Carolina - Kevin Garnett
At power forward, another Philadelphia kid - Rasheed Wallace!
Crowd: (chanting) Gold! Gold! Gold! Gold!
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen and opponents from all over the world. The American basketball world sends this message to the international community. DON'T TAKE THIS ASS WHOOPIN PERSONALLY!!!
Crowd: (Raising to their feet and chants) Whoop dat trick! Whoop dat trick! Whoop dat trick!
Jimmy: Where the hell did you find that announcer.
James: In front of Home Depot.
Jimmy: Oh. Anyway, what about the pine-riders. You need a good bench in international play.
James: Glad you mentioned that, Jimmy. Let's look at the point guards. Dwayne Wade is the best but we Chauncey Billups is the perfect backup for him.
Jimmy: I would have thought you'd go with Jason Kidd.
James: That bastard can't shoot.
Jimmy: True, but he can smack the hell out of his wife.... hahahahahaha
James: That's not right. The other point guard I would put on the team is Gilbert Arena. An excellent ball handler and will play defense.
Jimmy: Well, those are good picks. I would round out the number 2 position with Allen Iverson and Ray Allen. Good outside shooting is a must in international play and Ray Allen can light the arena up and who's going to stop "The Answer".
James: True. True. Jimmy, I have to admit that you are a genius. The small forward position is a very important position because they create the best opportunity for match up problems.
Jimmy: Do you get paid for this. You freakin' verbiage is astounding. You do the damn thing. So, who do you have backing up the fabulous Garnett.
James: None other than "The Matrix", Shawn Marion and the young phenom, Lebron James.
Jimmy: Oh my God! Dude, that's a wicked lineup. I can't wait to those punk ass Argentinean get a load of that. The idea of those bastards thinking they're actually Gold caliber. Well, on the other side of the court we have the big dogs. The power forwards. The guys who's job is to lay down the law, and I'm going with Elton Brand, Mr. Double-Double and Chris Bosh. Don't sleep on Chris.
James: Chris Bosh is someone that only the purist would appreciate. Let's look at his numbers. He's averaging 22.6 points per game, 9 rebounds and 2.5 assist. Those are damn good number for a center in this league. And, we could move him to center if needed. And that leads me to the big men in the middle.
Jimmy: Boy, you're good. It was perfect how you talked about transferring a power forward to a center then when right into the center position. Did you go to school for this.
James: (rubbing chin) I am pretty good, huh? Anyway, it's obvious we have to go with Shaq, even though he'll be limited. But a man that size will move the game to the paint where we can dominate smaller teams. And rounding out the center position, I'm adding Ben Wallace. Now, we can switch Chris Bosh and Ben Wallace, but I like Ben in the middle.
Jimmy: Yeah, because he shoots like he has cement hands.
James: But he rebounds and he plays defense. That's what we need.
Jimmy: I love it. Let's take it to the international community and put an end to the speculation. They can't hang with us.
James: No they can't. So to recap, here are the players for the 2008 Olympic basketball team that will bring home the Gold!. Recognize!!!
Dwayne Wade (PG)
Chauncey Billups (PG)
Gilbert Arena (PG)
Kobe Bryant (SG)
Allen Iverson (SG)
Ray Allen (SG)
Kevin Garnett (SF)
Shawn Marion (SF)
Lebron James (SG)
Rashid Wallace (PF)
Elton Brand (PF)
Chris Bosh (PF)
Tim Duncan ( C)
Shaq (C )
Ben Wallace (C )