Advertising: The Christian Cuss Out Kit
The following is a paid advertisment for the Christian Cuss Out Kit and is brought to you by Praise Him High Publishing, and does not reflect the thoughts and attitude of the Peace On That staff and it's commentors.
Christians, when was the last time you were in the presence of the devil and thought, “I’d love to cuss this sorry bastard out right now.” But you didn’t because of your walk with God. Many Christians face this issue every day. Christians are dealing blog trolls, athiest, liberals, traffic jams, demanding bosses and significant others that just don’t get it – all of these things lead to stress and can eventually lead you to cussing a sucker smooth the hell out - but you know that's wrong.
Well, the folks at “Praise Him High Publishing” recognized this dilemma that good church going folk have and now have come up with a new product to assist Christians in their daily dealings with the heathens of the world.
We now bring you the “Christian Cuss Out Kit”. This is a tool that will help you snap off on a deserving bastard and still maintain your righteousness. That’s right, no longer do you have to worry about the depths of hell because some a-wipe damn near hit you or some troll bashed President Bush on your blog. The Christian Cuss Out Kit provides you with an array of cussing options that fall within the boundaries of Godly speak.
But don’t take our word for it. Check what they’re saying about the Christian Cuss Out Kit in congregations across the country.
I tell you. Ms. Jenkins was getting on my last nerve with her big hats, shouting in church all the time and steppin’ on my corns. I told her nicely that the next time she stomped on my corns I was going to knock her out. Well, Pastor didn’t take to kindly to that and gave me the Christian Cuss Out Kit. I took it home, read it and found a wholesome way to tell that old bag off. The following Sunday Ms. Jenkins stepped on my corns and I pulled her to the side and cussed her out in good fashion with the techniques found in the Christain Cuss Out Kit. That crazy ole bat ain’t stepped on my corns since. I thank you, Praise Him High Publishing. And so do my corns.
Alameda Washington
Norfolk, Va
But this kit isn’t just for those in the congregation. There are chapters dedicated to those in pulpit that must deal with rowdy members of the church.
I’m the pastor of “The 3rd Missionary Ebenezer Martin Luther Malcolm X Avenue Baptist Church of the 1st Jurisdiction.” And I was having serious problems with my congregation questioning me on how I spent the church funds. Always asking, why I gotta have a S600 Benz and mansion and things like that. How dare they question a man of the cloth, I thought. I tried to explain it to them several times. But the final straw was when I returned from a trip around the world and purchased a new Bentley for my missionary work and they questioned my integrity. So I turned to the Christian Cuss Out Kit and it gave me the tools I needed to write a sermon cussing every member of the church out. Now when I speak they shut the hell up and give the 20% in tithes like bible says they should. The devil is a lie and now I know I can cuss him out too. Thanks to your product, I purchased a brand new yatch to perform baptisms and no one complained. Praise God. And blessing to Praise Him High Publishing.
Rev. Henry Cobblestone
Racine, WI
We live in a nasty world and it is imperative that Christians possess the tools to navigate these heathen infested waters. Don’t put your soul at risk. Purchase your Christian Cuss Out Kit today and save your soul from the fiery bowels of hell.
Act today, and we’ll include the “Biblically Bout It, Bout It” fight club video with details instructions on how to knuckle up with disrespecting congregations. We'll also include the New York Times’ bestseller, "Is Yo Pastor Ah Pimp?" By Creflo Coins.
All of this for the low, low price of
$22.95
Order today and be cussing out bastards next week!!!
Call Praise Him High Publishing @
1-877-CUSS-OUT
Operators are standing by.
11:33 PM Ha...."Biblically bout it, bout it"......classic.
1:53 AM James,
When you ain't ripping George Bush a new one, you're just pure unadulterated "Genius"- Nobody blogging makes me crack the hell up like you-- THanks , once again.
Later'
9:26 AM This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
9:54 AM Okay, this made me laugh so hard I had tears coming down. Awesome!!! I totally love this. I take it you had Rebecca and I in mind when you wrote this :-)))))).
I may even have to link to this. Great Stuff James!!!!!
9:58 AM I've decided I'm definitely linking to this in my next post. I'm still smiling, thanks for my dose of humor for the day :-))))))).
10:05 AM James you have made it on my blog for the week.. I will do that tomorrow. I usually do it on fridays.. But glad I waited.. This was awesome!! I am sending this to some of my friends...
10:08 AM "I tell you. Ms. Jenkins was getting on my last nerve with her big hats, shouting in church all the time and steppin’ on my corns. I told her nicely that the next time she stomped on my corns I was going to knock her out." What a great line..
11:41 AM Great sense of humor James.
You and I have something in common.
I was raised on collard greens, cornbread and my Grandma's love too.
12:53 PM 02 17 06
James I haven't laughed this hard in a long time!!! Ha ha ha hahahahahahhahah!
1:10 PM Great Post! But what's up with the price?
3:10 PM James,
You are awesome brother! Thanks for the help I need sometimes dealing with the crazies.
4:26 PM Glad you guys enjoy it.
7:29 PM The pastor of “The 3rd Missionary Ebenezer Martin Luther Malcolm X Avenue Baptist Church of the 1st Jurisdiction” is a white man! I love it!!!
5:06 AM James, You are my blog of the week.. Just thought I would let you know... First time i have ever had a liberal in that position.. Ha!
7:10 AM Linked to you in today's post :-).
5:01 AM you really should look into actually making these... i bet people would snap them up... even if just for gag gifts....
these are the funniest things i think i've ever read!
11:44 AM Hilarious James. Just hilarious.
And look at you! Getting shout outs on the conservative blogs! Good for you, man!
5:40 PM Yeah, this post had me rolling! Good job!
9:52 AM Hilarious, where do you some up with this stuff?
Just one thing I didn't like, I love me some Ms. Jenkins, don't nobody say nuthin' bad about Ms. Jenkins, that's when I go off!
7:12 PM Hey, I think I might actually write one of these things I come up with.
10:21 PM very funny James...and considering I got loud with church folks on the bus last Sunday...I might have to send you some actual scriptures that fit this lol
12:30 PM OMG, OMG I shouldn't have read this while I was at work. I can't LOL so I have tears running down my face.
I'm going to reread this after I get home so I can LOL. I hope they don't call the cops if I get too loud.
10:22 AM *tears welling up...from laughing*
You just saved me maaaan! I SHO' was finna slice some Goodyears in da name of Jezus.
6:37 AM Hi, just adding some stuff to the thing that the Pastor said. I have nothing against you, but the greatest lie the devil tells the world is that he makes people deny his existence. Always be aware of this. I hope not to cause any trouble, for I am too a Christian I believe.
6:41 AM I think what i said is somehow understandible, but i mean the true meaning of it. If my explanation is somehow wrong or not according to Scripture, or if there is a little part of it that is not true, then I mean not to say it if it is a bit untrue according to Scripture (what i said, i don't mean a lie according to what i said..)..
4:05 PM The Cuss Out Kit really makes sense, particularly when you take it under the context of online christian advertising.