Cats. You Won't Steal My Joy or My Beer

Every child deserves a great Christmas. Since there is no snow in Los Angeles, I feel it is my responsibility to create my very own Winter Wonderland. The process started Wednesday night when Stella and I went to pick out her very first Christmas tree. For a three year old, she did a great job in selecting a tree.

We bring the tree home and put it in the living room. The cats, of course, can't keep their paws of it. I’m going to purchase some bitter apple to discourage them from eating the needles. But I didn't think they could knock the tree over. Well, I was wrong, this morning Jaimie called me while I was in the shower. I rushed into the living room to find this:







Can you believe this crap? They are trying to sabotage my Christmas. But I won’t let them. They will now spend the next 30 days on the patio or locked in one of the bathrooms. It is this or do what “Bold As Love” suggested and drop them off at a Chinese Market. I’ll keep you updated, but this weekend I will transform my living room from the cozy family home that it is into a Christmas marvel.

Note: The forecast is calling for rain today. The cats are trapped on the balcony. Ask me if I care. Hahahahahahaha!

This is not the first time I have caught them in the act of committing a class-A felony.






Now come on, what red-blooded man would allow such treachery in his home? They run through the house at five in the morning. They purr louder than a Harley, but I still let them lounge in the bed. They cuddle up with Jaimie more than I do, but I don't get jealous. But, to knock over my tree and touch my beer!!! I'm like Popeye now, "That's all's me can stand, cuz me's can't stands no more." They will not deprive me of this moment. I'm like the gentrification of a black neighborhood on the southside of Chicago... you can't stop progress, baby.

 

28 Responses to Cats. You Won't Steal My Joy or My Beer

  1. Mahndisa S. Rigmaiden Says:
    12 02 05

    OMG: When will you begin to write scripts for shows or a book or something? Geesh you are good! I was sitting here taking a break from working on these dreadful papers and saw this story. What a pick me up. Thanks for making my day! Those pictures are hilarious! And well, I suppose the beer thing was a formal declaration of war. Hmmm....I wanna see how this turns out; The Cat Chronicles! LMBAO!!!
  2. taylor Says:
    I don't know how it goes down with real trees. We have the take it outta the attic type. My cats climb through the tree. Oh yeah, no tensil! Although you might not care right now, cats have a tendency to eat the tensil and can get it caught in their throats. I know, I know right now tensil is looking good, but please stay away from it.

    As for the beer, I agree with Mahndisa, war is at hand.
  3. James Manning Says:
    I know, they like to eat anything that shines. I'll try not to kill the little critters. But they are staying on the patio until further notice.
  4. Jaimie Says:
    That was so funny...but I think my cats are going to die this holiday season.
  5. Anonymous Says:
    My last roommate had 3 cats. I had never had pets before. The SECDOND DAY after I moved in, I went to school. Unknowingly, one of the cats got shut into my bedroom while I was gone (I always shut the door to my room because I didn't want the cats in there). I came home to 3 piles of cat crap on my BRAND NEW white duvet cover and on my pillow.
    Cats are evil.
  6. Deb S. Says:
    James, you know you are wrong! LOL Poor Jaimie. Poor kitties!
  7. James Manning Says:
    I went home for lunch and locked them in the bathroom. They will learn not to mess with the Jimster.
  8. bold as love Says:
    James,
    It's like the old folks always said,"there is more than one way to skin a cat".

    So with that in mind, and the fact that you love your Girl, I say you round them 4-legged, fur ball manufacturing,litter box scratching, demonic, bad-ass cats up and take them to obedience school.

    I can't see any other option- Your Girl won't let you kill 'em.They are moving in on your beer James, what's next, the control of your TV remote? Handle your bid'ness Bruh.


    later'
  9. DJ Diva Says:
    i laughed till i cried at that pic of the cat with the beer....man ...i need cat chronicles too...my puss in boots is retarded too!
  10. Neil Says:
    Where did you buy this cat -- from the Gotti family?
  11. letter shredder Says:
    we have some cats at home too. i think the booze is enough to keep them away from your chirstmas tree. the cats just wanted to give u a clue of what they really want, like (in Antonio Bandera's voice), "Give us booze or I'll ruin your Christmas."


    Cheers!
  12. DJ Diva Says:
    oh and James u may need to watch out:
    http://djdiva.blogspot.com/2005/03/cat-shoots-owner.html

    Those cats might jump u...
  13. Little Miss Chatterbox Says:
    James: I appreciate you not wanting to take up my blog with the problems between you & phantom. To be honest I was very disappointed that he posted your post under your name on my blog. I try to keep my blog fairly clean so I deleted his posting of your comments and some of your comments since they didn't make sense once I deleted the other ones. Please don't be offended I just don't want some of that stuff on there. Again I appreciate your kindness and am not sure why he's taking things to this level.
  14. Deb S. Says:
    James, click here for an interesting story. Don't say you haven't been warned. LOL
  15. James Manning Says:
    DCS,

    That was a very funny story. I don't feel so bad about my situation now. Although, I do believe my cats would try to kill but thus far, I've been to slick fo the little critters. Thanks for that laugh.
  16. James Manning Says:
    DCS,

    That was a very funny story. I don't feel so bad about my situation now. Although, I do believe my cats would try to kill but thus far, I've been to slick fo the little critters. Thanks for that laugh.
  17. Jo Says:
    Ever since our first Christmas together when my cats knocked the tree over 5 times and broke every single bulb we'd owned, my ex-husband has always tied the Christmas tree to the wall. He just wraps wire around the trunk and then anchors the wire to the wall with little roundy kind of screw-in things. Poor guy hates cats and has to go through allllll kinds of crap for them (yeah, even now... cuz he got the cats along with the kids... hehehe).
  18. Diane S. Says:
    I'm reminded of a quote from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (yes, I have evil television veiwing habits.):

    "There is more than one way to skin a cat, and I happen to know that's factually true."

    Still I beg you not to make use of this information!

    I've spent my life amazed at people who purchase cat toys. Don't they realize the entire world is a cat toy? Nothing, neither Christmas tree, nor beer, nor the ring off of the jug of milk is safe from them. But they are warm and furry and and sweet. And Jamie loves them. And that last part should count for a lot.
  19. Anonymous Says:
    The cats are being cats and you are obviously being you. Give them to someone who can love them because you obviously don't; you are cruel and that is animal abuse.
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