Friday's Top Ten: Things Found Only in the Hood

These are some that I came up with but I know that there are a lot more. Feel free to submit you own list.

1. Finger waves with shags – This hair style should have went out with the sound of Father MC but it goes on and on and on and on. Why? I don’t know. It’s a hot hairdo and it itches (I had a finger wave in 1987). It went well with my Kangol and Troop jacket. Lord, I’m glad there are no pictures.
2. Old Grease in a Crisco Can – You know how it works – you cook your bacon, pour the grease in the can. Take the new grease and the bacon grease and cook fried chicken, pour the grease back in the can. Take the chicken-bacon grease and cook fish – pour it back in the can. Strain the chicken-bacon-fish grease to oil the skillet so you can fry some eggs – with bacon – pour it all back in the can. You do this for a month then start all over again.
3. Utilities in somebody’s name – Only in the hood will you see three year olds with gas bills.
4. Milk Crate Basketball Rims – My girl thought this was passé, until I told her about the setup in the front of my brother’s house in Philly. You can’t dunk and you can forget about a friendly bounce, but you don’t have to leave the block to get a good game in.
5. Preachers in Purple Suits – This is something they must teach in Ghetto Seminary School, because it is a phenomenon that I find strange and worrisome. Why brothers want to dress like Barney when they preach is beyond me.
6. Building Funds – Maybe it’s me but it seems that every pastor have the same dream about building a bigger church (never mind the size of the congregation). Must be another thing they teach in Ghetto Seminary School. Every church on the west side of Chicago had a building fund. I’m still waiting for someone to build something. Oh, a few churches got built but mostly this money goes to fund the new sun porch on the pastor’s house.
7. Men Walking Around with Shower Caps – You ever see the guy with the shower cap and when he takes it off underneath is a dry S-Curl? Whew, this is worse than sisters coming outside with rollers.
8. Pookie, Mookie and Junebug – It works like this: Pookies are generally funny and friendly. Moookies are either thieves, fighters or are simply bad as hell. Junebugs are the guys you go to when you need a new alternator on the Chevy. Every hood has them. They are a staple in the ghetto and every black family tree has at least one.
9. Check Cashing on Every Other Corner – They’ve gotten elaborate over the years. You can pay bills, buy phone cards, get a birth certificate, sell your soul to the devil, wire money and put you lights in little Ray Ray’s name. They charge two fingers and a pancreas to get an advance on your refund check – but you have to do it so you can get those Easter clothes out of layaway.
10. The Meat Man – Maybe this was just Chicago, but we had a guy that would come around and sell meat out of his car. It was good stuff. The pork chops were thick, the steaks were tender and his chicken was off the chain. Ain’t nothing better than a bootleg butcher.


7 Responses to Friday's Top Ten: Things Found Only in the Hood

  1. Cynthia Says:
    We had a Junebug
  2. kansasscott Says:
    pretty insightful, especially for a farm boy far from the city
  3. jaimie Says:
    Sadly, this was very funny. I've never seen a meat man, but what about the one you can always buy a bootleg video/dvd from? Or how about the man selling the MAC make-up outside of the neighborhood grocery store?
  4. James Manning Says:
    Ya know, I forgot about the penny candy sto'. That's where we use to get pop for 25 cent, boston bake bean and lemon heads for a dime and a pack of now or later for a nickel. Where can I get a chico skick and a box of alexander the grapes.
  5. Midlife Crisis Says:
    I have a cousin Pookie. I will say no more on that, thank you:)
  6. Anonymous Says:
    This site is so real and feels really nice. Excellent
    work, James.
  7. Hummingbyrd Says:
    Dude...I miss our meat man...I needs me a fish man...and wassup w/ that dude w/ the MAC make-up..whut it do?