The Criminal Minded of Stereotypical Absurdity

There was a time when you could listen to a news report and right away know the race of the victim or perpetrator of the report simply based on the description of the incident. I must admit, I just knew the DC sniper was some pissed off white boy from Kentucky. It has gotten to the point that you can’t put anything past any race. We now have ample evidence that black folks are just as sick, demented and crazy as our white brethren.

However, full integration has to taken place in one area when it comes to black people: and that is being killed by exotic animals. Oh, we’ll get mauled by a pit bull and I’ve known a few to be killed after hitting a deer. But the brunt of this absurdity still rest with non-African Americans. Let’s take for example: getting killed by a tiger. The circumstances under which one is killed by a tiger will determine if it is indeed tragedy or comedic relief for the rest of us.

If you go on a safari and happen to end up in the belly of a tiger, that is a tragedy. If you are a zoo keeper and get mauled by a tiger, we could consider that a tragedy as well. However, if you are eaten by a tiger that is in a zoo and your entrance into said zoo was through the turnstile, then we have every right to laugh at your dumb ass. Oh, the laughs continue when you are then caught shoplifting a Wii after seeing your buddy mauled by aforementioned tiger. So until some dudes named Mookie and Raheem get themselves killed trying to retrieve the blunt they dropped in the tiger pit, I’m reserving meeting ones maker by the teeth of a caged carnivorous animal to those outside of the African American community.

Now, as I’ve stated before, black folk have proven themselves very adept in getting into situation where there are no reasonable explanations for the level of dumbness that is before us. The DC sniper was act of terrorism and although I do not believe in the death penalty, if we are going to have the law on the books, he is one that is deserving of such a fate. But that’s a sick crime not a dumb one.

Dumb crimes, which I believe dwell primarily in world of black folk can be seen in all of its glory with the likes of OJ Simpson and Congressman Jefferson. You see, only a black man could get away with murdering two white people then get sent to prison for attempting to steal a picture that was stolen from him of woman he murdered. The irony is not lost on anyone and I believe God not only want to punish him, but give all of us something to laugh about in the process. Yes, white folks get their comeuppance (Bernie Madoff comes to mind) but never in such comedic form.

We can say the same for Congressman Jefferson. What makes this so uniquely black is not the bribery, or that he hid the money, or even that he hid it in his freezer. What makes this so black is that he actually tried to explain away the money in the freezer. Only a black man would do that: “You see officer, it’s not what it looks like. There’s a perfectly good explanation why I got $90,000 in the freezer.” I could go on with this joke but we all know anything that follows would be absurd no matter how plausible is sounded.

As one of those that believe in equal opportunity and diversity, I’m still holding on to some of these stereotypes. I’m sure one day black people will get mauled by lions at Brookfield Zoo and some black Warren Buffet type will end up in jail for stealing $50 billion. Then those jokes will fade away. After all, there was a time when discussing a black president would garner hysterical laughter. Go figure.


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