Peace On That

After several months of living in Southern California, I’ve come up with a scientific method for recognizing in which area of Los Angeles that I am driving. I do this simply by looking at the driving techniques. The following are the Top Ten Driving techniques that I’ve noticed and in what area of Los Angeles I’ve noticed them.



10. Left hand on the wheel, right hand covering the eyes and one foot on the brake pedal: The 405 freeway

9. Left hand on the wheel, right hand holding a latte, head cradling cell phone, both feet on the gas peddle and poodle barking in the back seat: Beverly Hills

8. Left hand on the wheel, right hand holding a gun, 40oz on the lap, both feet on the gas peddle: South Central Los Angeles

7. Left hand holding cell phone, right hand holding Jamba Juice, eyes shut, both feet on the brakes: Marina Del Rey

6. Car in park, sun bathing on hood: The 10 Freeway

5. Left hand on rear-view mirror, right hand fluffing hair, knee on the wheel, foot on the gas peddle: Venice Beach

4. Left hand holding a beer, right hand on the radio dial, left leg out the window, right knee on the steering wheel and a brick on the gas peddle: The Valley

3. Both hands on the wheel, car moving 20 miles below speed limit, hazard lights blinking, right foot on gas and left foot smashing the brakes every 20 feet: Santa Monica on a Sunday Afternoon

2. Left hand on wheel, right hand out the window giving the finger, tailgating, ignoring traffic signals, running down pedestrians, and throwing Starbucks cups out of the window: Wilshire District.

1. Both hands on the wheel, both feet on the gas peddle, passenger waving gun out of the window firing shots at the 30 police cars in pursuit, helicopter overhead, breaking news reports on television: The 5 freeway