Advice: Me and My Girlfriend

Dear "The Dining Room Table,"

Me and my girlfriend are thinking about holding up banks to get some extra loot. A little like a "Bonnie and Clyde" thing. What do you think?

jaimie says: After seeing "Bonnie and Clyde" (the movie), with the gorgeous, young Warren Beatty, I too had fantasies of meeting some sweet talking man, robbing banks together, and dying romantically and historically, along with television movies being made of us and books being written. Hollywood sure makes crime-committing so cool doesn't it?

Listen: BAD IDEA. Most likely, you won't get away with it. You'll end up either dead or in jail, and worst yet, separated from your lovely better half. You'll put your family through undue grief, and other people might get hurt in the ordeal.

GOOD IDEA: Why don't the two of you rent your favorite "stick 'em up" movies ("Bonnie and Clyde", "Set It Off", "Dead Presidents" just to name a few) and snuggle up together with a big bowl of buttered popcorn? After watching the movie, do some role playing. Buy some water guns and pretend to rob a bank. You can even set up a fake bank counter and use Monopoly money. The two of you can take turns being the "bad guy", or even more fun, use a blow-up doll to be the bank teller and you both rob her unassuming self.

Keep us posted about what you decide. Oh, and by the way, please don't rob Citibank 'cuz all of our loot is in there.

james says: It is obvious that Jaimie and I have different ideas of what it means to die romantically. I see myself as a dirty old man, sitting on the front porch, face down in a stack of pancakes. When Jaimie opens the front door, she notices my demises and instantly dies of a broken heart - the jar breaking in the fall and spreading maple syrup across the porch and down the stairs. The neighbors find us, cold, sticky and covered with leaves and bees. That's romantic. But I digress.

If your finacial state is such that you are contemplating walking over to the dark side, then maybe you two could get jobs as strippers and pretend to be Bonnie & Clyde. It's an excellent theme and you can pretend to rob the patrons of their dollar bills. You'd make money, stay alive and might even rekindle a little romance in the process. Hopefully, we won't be reading about you in the papers.

By the way, I saw the movie Bonnie & Clyde - the ending wasn't pretty. You have two good ideas to run with. And that is much better than running from the law. Good Luck.


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